Fall has set in, and I love this weather. I almost feel complete this time of year. However I can't avoid the loneliness. Even surrounded by friends, I feel incomplete somehow. I know it shows, as people have made comments about my morose appearance. What can I do though? I try and fill the time in a healthy way, it just isn't working. It's time for a furry friend. I'll have to run by the shelters tomorrow.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
4th ave S. railroad
The dream is only about what you don't have. Trade one in to only dream about what you once had.
Mind is full. Full of thoughts, tasks, quotas, love, lack of, full-fill, professional, personal, focus, friends in need, long schedules, not enough time, exhausted, desire to break, the passion of metaphorically wiping the cluttered desk clean, to leave only what truly matters left on top.
It tells the (apparently true, according to an interview in Sound magazine c.1976 with guitarist Billy Gibbons) story of a bunch of hillbillies who weld together a steel cage, tie it to the back of their truck, and encourage the hapless narrator to take a ride inside it.
Summer has been here, and the weather has fluctuated from 87 to October weather back and forth. It's all fine by me. We can all use a little variety in our lives. Sit back and enjoy glorious life, or the shit show, whatever perception you may hold. Half empty, half full. Same thing, just a different light. Faith, or science, it all created the same world we all know. Same thing. Just be sure to not lose your identity my friend.
So I've been pretty good about the gym lately. Trying to keep up on it. I made a gym schedule, with no designated times, just certain days. To put in designated times means a reason to skip. I won't be able to honor certain times with my random day schedules. So for now, I've made a plan to acheive more of what I'm trying to do.
Save lots and lots of $.
1. Do not go out drinking. I was reminded how horrible this can be in so many ways last night. $ spent, up too late, feel like she-ite today.
2. Do not eat dinner out. Lunch under $10 is ok.
3. If I don't need it, don't buy it
Health
1. Stick to gym schedule, no matter what. They are open 24hrs
2. Watch what I eat. Keep it vegan for the most part, and low sodium.
3. Stick to my Dr. Appointments
4. Follow a dental plan (follow up with UW Dentistry in September for a consultation)
IMing with Nate this minute discussing running. So this gets me excited. I need more than 1 partner to run with.
I figure, I'm in such a different place, that I might as well start a new blog. The old one has such a different feel, that I wanted to preserve the whole thing entirely, look and all. Caboose is one of my favorite Snapcase songs of all time, and the lyrics have always but somewhat of an anthem to me.
Over the last few years, I hit some very dark places in my head, just having self realizations, and from general observations of the people in this life. Some people, such as myself can have a very tilted outlook after being surrounded by what I perceive to be careless abandon, and ridiculous justification for easier routes out of situations. Don't get me wrong, we are all hypocrites, we all think we are doing the most righteous choice, and we all believe as strongly about it as the next guy. Often in doing so, we overlook our hypocrisies, but I can spend all year over-thinking it all, until my outlook is completely "tilted". In other words, jaded, negative, and angry, and irritated(emphasis on the irritated) all in one. Then you look for a release and just say fuck it all until you crash hard.
Of course, I'm not pretending it's all other people, it's me too, the way I was raised, programmed, etc.
So, again it all comes back to Snapcase. The band that introduced me to a synonymous phrase to something that I always had a concept of, but made me realize there is a entire theory based around it back in the mid 90's. 'Progression Through Un-learning'. I have to deprogram myself, create my own un-biased, and influenced identity. I have to chisel deep back down to who I really am. We are all highly intelligent beings, we already know all the answers. But most of us are too scared to say anything before someone else in fear of embarrassment of feeling "stupid" if we end up with a wrong theory. Isn't even a wrong theory, the first step to building a monumental theory? It all starts somewhere.
